Another week

Well, we are still waiting on our sweet addition... and I am trying desperately not to get anxious.  I think if I didn't have classes starting back in a few weeks, the timeline would be a little less concerning.  Even still, I am allowing myself to rest in Him, despite my own timeline (not) being met.

So what's a mom to do while waiting?
Well, I have ordered all my books for next semester, cleaned off my desk, driven around town trying to find preceptors for next semester (school never ends, really), dusted, vacuumed, made a pie (that is soon to be gone now), planned meals (which are also soon to be used up;), done laundry (which needs to be done again), started sewing projects, started the Christmas letter, started reading a book, wrapped Christmas presents, taken a bubble bath, played tickle numerous times on the floor/bed with the boys, read stories, done crafts with the boys (snowflakes and the like), played on Facebook, taken a few naps...

Next to come: more sewing projects, editing pics from a photoshoot, taking more pics of the boys for our annual calendar (which is near completion), baking with the boys, finishing the Christmas letter, and more meal planning...  maybe I'll finish the book, and start reading assignments for next semester...I'm crazy like that (actually the profs are crazy and have hw due for the first week of classes!)...

Praying for some baby action soon!!  And glad the boys are home full time next week- though this little respite has been nice- my fist-time ever being home without them, and not having 50 projects/school things to do- it has been amazing!  But, I am ready to have them home full-time...

Blessings to all!!

In the waiting

What's a girl to do when she is feeling past due?
Well, I went shopping for material at the craft store...and vacuumed all the floors, and cleaned/organized my room, and the bookshelf next to my desk...I still haven't gotten to my desk, but that will come...

I know, I got way more than I needed.  But everything was half-off!  And, hey, I don't get out much!  (I actually didn't get all of this, but this was my cart... ;)
I also let my hubby go hunting.
I am a few days past my original "due date" which means practically nothing, except that I feel VERY full of baby, and I think I am coming down with a cold.  And I am exhausted from a few nights of really restless sleep- it has been relatively painful actually- baby is laying on the side with nerve issues, and it burns/shoots pain when I move.  Still better than months of even more intense pain with my other two...but I am feeling like I need to post a bigger eviction notice ;)

God's timing is better than mine.  I know it.  But, it is starting to worry me that he will NEVER come out...except I know that is silly...it just happens to come to mind when you are in the state I am in (can I hear an Amen from the sisters that have done this?)
I also can't help but think about the semester to come- and about how I really want to spend as much time with baby as I can BEFORE classes start...and he is eating into this time by hanging out!!!

I ordered my books for next semester today.
I am also making out the calendar for next semester with due dates, ect...at least a rough outline, since it usually changes at the start of a semester...
I organized all the Christmas gifts...they are now all in labeled paper bags in the top shelf of my closet, so that when I feel like wrapping them, I can do it, and I remember now exactly what I have for each person, as I tend to collect through the year...
I still need to order Big Bit's b-day gift, but I know what he is getting, so that is good.  Especially since it is only 10 days after Christmas!!

I still have yet to start sewing, but I am really, really tired.  And hubby monopolized the space working on some Christmas gifts for my brothers.  Which I am totally ok with!

But, the blankie is ready (I sewed this many moons ago, and my cousin embroidered it!!)

 And the diaper drawers are packed and ready to go!

Dear Lord Jesus- help me to wait upon your timing in patience, with a joyful heart, knowing that your timing is worth the wait!!

Any day now

As I was thinking about the excitement of welcoming our newest addition any day now (along with the small amount of trepidation that the new experience of a non-hospital birth will have, as well as the thrill of being able to let my body do what is was made to do… and the myriad of other feelings that a pregnant gal is allowed to have…) 

A comment that an acquaintance made struck me.

SO, let me backtrack, and explain.  I often times am asked what my plans are for the future, especially regarding my doctoral degree.  Oddly enough, though I have some sort of an idea, I really don’t know.

I know that as of today, I am more than half-way completed through this doctorate.  I know that I will have three children (maybe more in the many years to come, though possibly not of my womb), and barring all things, they will be with me after this is said and done.  I know that I have a husband whom I adore, who’s relationship I treasure, and who has grown with me through this process of marriage, moves, children, and school; who supports me, and continues to pray over my life, as I do his.

But the school stuff?  Well, Like I said, right now, I’m in.  Personally, I am fully committed to completing it to the end.  But, at the same time, in my obedience to this calling, I am ready and willing to let it go.  That was the only way I could get here in the first place.  I had to be ready to know that it was God’s calling, and not really my own.  Not that I don’t want this.  On the contrary, it is not worth all this effort and pain, and sacrifice, unless I am all in- totally loving it- can’t wait to have the skills, the credentials, and to be a primary care provider. 

At the same time, I know that today, this is where I am called.  I have a feeling I will complete it (if it were up to just me, there wouldn’t be much that could stop me- though I may do it differently).  But, God’s ways are higher than mine.  I don’t always understand His plans.  So, I continue to listen, pray, and seek His will, knowing that if He wants me to stop, I will.  In fact there have been days I have asked for this.  I feel torn often-times, as this is not a common path.  It can look crazy on the outside- a woman of two small children, who claims she wants to be home with them, going back to school full-time, necessitating (gasp and groan!) that those two precious beings be in child-care?  While moving her entire family to live within the grace of her in-laws, and praying through her husband having to transition to a new job that barely makes ends meet?   And then, continuing full-time through a pregnancy?!

Through this process, God has made it abundantly clear that I am to be obedient to His calling, and in this I will find freedom- though not the easy kind of “free” that we often think of- more like the spirit of freedom in knowing that things are working for the good, even when the going is. really. hard.

As we pray, seeking His calling in our lives, we see miracles.  The path being paved ahead of us.  Continuous confirmation that this is where He has us.  Continued provision- above and beyond what we could ask for.  And amazing, beautiful growth.  in my marriage, and in myself.  Confirmation.

So, back to the acquaintance. 

You see, in all this, my husband and I feel called to the “mission field”.  We are not yet sure what this looks like.  In fact we have no earthly idea what it looks like.  But, we are pretty sure that’s the direction we are eventually headed- though the timeline is very, very hazy.  Knowing this though, we have a few ideas of where we might go to get to that path, knowing that it could change…tomorrow. 

SO, anyhow, I tell my acquaintance of our (limited, human, short-sighted) plans, and tell her that we feel led to use our skills in missions.  She was blown away.  Which, I have gotten slightly used to people’s responses- (I had a man aghast and in awe at my sons and I buying a large quantity of hot-wheels (and other various sundries)for operation Christmas child, while knowing not a single one of those cars were going to be their own)  and yet, I was reminded how silly this is.

It is nothing amazing that I do these things.  Really, it’s not.  In fact, I should admit (and be ashamed) at how little I do for the desolate (those Jesus has called us to)  though I have plenty of “valid” excuses, and no-one would fault me.  But we, those who have been called by His name, Jesus, to live and love and be His hands and feet to this hurting, dying world, have been called to much, much more.

In fact, there have been many times where I have longed for the future, when I think “amazing things” are going to happen, when this or that has come to be.  And yet, is not TODAY, the things, places and people in my life just as important?  Are not what you and I are doing today just as AMAZING at what will be done tomorrow?  Is it not amazing that you or I are working within the will of God (if we are) today, as it will be tomorrow?  It is not amazing if I am called half-way around the world, or to the office next door.  It is the simplicity of obedience.  Now granted, half-way around the world is not the more often calling- but really, it matters not! 

I am impressed with the lives of close friends of ours who we became close to through God’s calling on a mission trip years ago.  At the time, they were thinking about retirement, working, being their everyday selves- in obedience to God’s will.  And then, they felt led to move across the world to work for a company that does “missions” in a much different place, leaving behind what they know and love, and being obedient.  It sounds awesome, and amazing- and in many ways, it is.  But when we get down to it, it is what we are ALL called to (not the moving to other parts of the world)- obedience to God’s calling on our lives- whatever that may be! 

So, if you are amazed or in awe, look around you!  Be amazed or in awe of THIS day.  It is not more or less important than the other days God has called you to- except it is the one that you CAN have an impact on, through His spirit.  This day, in fact, is preparing you for the days ahead.

Sometimes, it feels as if the waiting is the worst or hardest part, and yet it is in this time that God is preparing our hearts for what is to come.

Can I still look forward to the day of my newest child’s birth?- absolutely!  But today, I will relish in the final days of having this beautiful round belly, this life inside, the tasks of today in sight- knowing that today I can be within God’s will, and tomorrow can have it’s own time.

That, I think, is the most beautiful lesson.  We have all heard about today being the “present”, but truly, are we living within His will today?  Let us come together and seek His face in our lives, and each strive to do what is asked of us today.  It is not really that amazing, it is obedience.  And in this, we can find joy, peace, and rest in whatever and wherever He has called us.

Obedience: Doing what you are told, when you are told, with the right heart attitude.

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin  James 4:13-17

 “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”  Eccl 3:1

“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.” 

Proverbs 27:1

“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and these things will be added to you.  So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matt. 6:33-34 NASB